Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching and I’m feeling very thankful. We finally have a president-elect who has exposed the true colors of bible thumpers and bumpkins.
I’m thankful that we no longer have to be politically correct. Whew. Being polite to those Neanderthals was really stressing me out. Yokels are freely waving Confederate flags in Kalispell and posting pictures of flipping off a Hillary Clinton bestickered car in Missoula. It’s too bad those namby-pamby liberals fired him for merely expressing his love of country and Jesus.
We really should embrace this new tenor of freedom, rejecting old politically correct protocols. For example, although I can openly discuss my pussy cat, I cannot express in the polite free press the common euphemism used by President-elect Donald Trump regarding his past experiences grabbing it. I have grappled for years to fix the GOP acronym to better describe modern Republicans. Today I am thankful that it has been supplied by the new leader of the free world. If he utters the phrase, “god bless America,” I can openly guffaw. Thank you, lord.
Praise the irony gods, too, that Jeff Sessions, Steve Bannon, Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich will be in charge of draining the swamp while that bum, Chris Christie, has been thrown under the bridge. These champions of racism, sexism, adultery and gluttony will provide comedic fodder for generations.
Trump University has been legitimized so we can all get online PhDs in flimflammery soon. If we aren’t put to work in newly booming coal mining and steel industries, we can become pettifoggers and make billions of dollars just like our shyster-in-chief.
Finally, thanks, Electoral College, for allowing this thought-provoking circumstance above the will of a majority of American voters. Living in Montana, my vote has never not counted for more.