You're a wealthy woman. You're refined, educated and rub elbows with New York's intelligentsia.
And you just gave birth to one ugly child.
Oh, the horror! And the potential for satire!
Such was the subject of a New Yorker magazine piece of satirical bravado that Bolton Rothwell once read and got a good chuckle out of.
And which has turned up in an original set of sketches, "Shouts and Murmurs in the Park," a collection of physical theater, outrageous satire and original work to be performed on Friday at Hellgate High School.
The collection, which clocks in at under an hour, is pretty edgy stuff for high school dramatists. But Rothwell's kids, who first performed it at the state thespian convention in February, totally get it.
"They understand the satire is about the mother, and not the ugly child," said Rothwell, Hellgate's drama teacher.
The sketch is just one of around nine the 13 thespians will perform on Friday, starting at 7:30 p.m., in the Hellgate High auditorium. Admission is $3.
In other sketches, mostly inspired by the New Yorker, the audience will be introduced to Tom Cruise's dog, and a man who feeds bread to a toaster, among others. All are denizens of New York's Central Park.
Across town, Sentinel High School's drama department is performing a more staid - but very classic - production of Carlo Goldoni's "The Servant of Two Masters."
The 18th century comedy contains a complex plot about a woman, Beatrice, dressed as a man who is attempting to find her lover, who is in hiding after murdering Beatrice's brother.
Double entendres and identity crises erupt when Beatrice's servant, Truffaldino, offers his services to another - Beatrice's lover.
The play runs May 20-22 at 7:30 p.m. in the Margaret Johnson Theatre at Sentinel. Admission is $5 students, $6 for adults.
Reporter Jamie Kelly can be reached at 523-5254 or at email@example.com.